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BECK
Thu Feb 23, 2006 9:44 am


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A guy was sitting at the Super Bowl in the very best seat avaialable. The guy on his left noticed there was an empty seat next to him and said, "Can you believe someone actually paid for that seat and didn't come to the game?" 

The fellow next to him replied, "Actually that's my wife's seat...we bought these tickets months ago. Unfortunately, my wife passed away so I came alone." 

"I'm sorry to hear that, but why didn't you give the ticket to a family member or friend?" 

"Oh, they're all at the funeral."

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Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin? Her first husband was in Training, and kept teaching her how to do it herself. The second was in Sales, and kept telling her how good it was going to be. And the third was in Tech Support, and kept saying "Don't worry, it'll be up any minute now...." 

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Out of cigarettes... 
A man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down the the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3 A.M. and says, "Oh no, it's so late, my wife's going to kill me. 

Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then goes home. "Where the Hell have you been?!?!?" "Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but it was closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her." "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered in powder and..."You God damn liar!!! You went bowling again!!"
