"B & E", one of my favorite of his bits:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FT8iqXkjzDc

It's around 8:30 minutes, well worth it - really funny.

Beck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hes gonna be in denver in May me and my roommates were gonna go
but were all leaving cause school gets out may 8th. I believe its May 17th
at the pepsi center.

-- already got tickets 8)

Dane Cook FTW

SHITTY HALF-ASSED BATTERIES. made me laugh.

One of my favorite bits by Dane does is about the guy that gets hit by a car (a "Dodge" strangely enough), flips over the car, and loses his shoes in mid-air. When people run up to him, he is so embarrassed he tries to walk it off like nothing happened.


Paraphrasing:

Nah, I'm fine.
Dude, your were hit so hard it knocked your shoes off.
No, no, no. I do that all the time. I kicked them off in a fit of joy.

Are you sure you're ok?
Yeah, I'm going to go over to that bush and throw up shards of my pelvis but after that I'm sure I'll be okay.