We need to get this thread going again - it was my favorite read!


A girl asked her boyfriend, "what do you want for your birthday?"
"i want a watch," he replied
That night she found another girl and let him





Did you hear abou tthe guy who was found not guilty for masturbating in public?
The lucky bastard got off twice


"I think my wife is selling drugs," a man remarked to his friend. "Yesterday I was running a little bit late for work when the phone range. I answered it, but before i could say anything a male voice on the line said, "Hey, honey, is that dope gone yet?"


An old man looking for oral sex approached his wife with a honry invitation: "How would you like to put your teeth around my manhood tonight?"
Hiw wife nodded willingly, removed her dentures and said, "Do whatever you like want with them; just don't wake me."

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks. So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "Yeah, I've got this great rooster, named Randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem."

Well , Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So , he buys Randy. The farmer takes Randy home and sets him down in the barnyard, giving the rooster a pep talk, " Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here and you cost me a lot of money and I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said with a chuckle.

Randy seemed to understand, so the farmer points towards the hen house and Randy took off like a shot ~WHAM~ He nails every hen on there THREE or FOUR times and the farmer is just shocked. Randy runs out of the hen house and sees a flock of geese down by the lake ~WHAM~ He gets all the geese. Randy's up in the pigpen. He's in with the cows. Randy is jumping on every animal the farmer owns.

The farmer is distraught, worried that his expensive rooster won't even last the day. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day to find Randy dead as a doorknob in the middle of the yard. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful animal , shakes his head and says, "Oh, Randy, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself." Randy opens one eye, nods towards the sky and say's , "Shhh. They're getting closer...."


sum1else out.